Sunday, April 24, 2005
A Pirate's Life
Rules for Being a Pirate
1. "Yo, ho, a pirate's life for me!" This song is a bit of a give-away, especially when you're pretending to be merchants carrying more than one billion dollars' worth of almost illegal cargo. DON'T sing it during a search on pain of being arrested. And possibly killed.
2. Try NOT to fall off the rigging. It can cause you to either fall upon the deck and lose several major organs or break your skull hitting the water. Both of these are generally fatal.
3. Be careful which flag you fly and know whose flag you're flying. It would not be good to have an Iraqi flag flying next to an American cruiser. Remember this.
4. Watch where you're sailing, as being stranded on an island know as Never Land can generally lose your captain a hand. Of course, if you don't like him, this could be a plus.
5. Careful about your accent and word choice. Saying something like "Don't hit that, you idjit!" can cause searchers to become suspicious that you are a. a pirate or b. Arnold Schwarsneggar. I hope I misspelled that.
6. When boarding, hold your sword POINTY SIDE UP AND SHARP SIDE FORWARD. And be careful not to you the blade. Unless you're a dis-liked captain.
7. During mutiny, don't kill the crew. Use their general stupidity to convince them they're getting something they're not for all of this. If you are the crew, don't hold back. Slaughter the captain. We mean it.
1. "Yo, ho, a pirate's life for me!" This song is a bit of a give-away, especially when you're pretending to be merchants carrying more than one billion dollars' worth of almost illegal cargo. DON'T sing it during a search on pain of being arrested. And possibly killed.
2. Try NOT to fall off the rigging. It can cause you to either fall upon the deck and lose several major organs or break your skull hitting the water. Both of these are generally fatal.
3. Be careful which flag you fly and know whose flag you're flying. It would not be good to have an Iraqi flag flying next to an American cruiser. Remember this.
4. Watch where you're sailing, as being stranded on an island know as Never Land can generally lose your captain a hand. Of course, if you don't like him, this could be a plus.
5. Careful about your accent and word choice. Saying something like "Don't hit that, you idjit!" can cause searchers to become suspicious that you are a. a pirate or b. Arnold Schwarsneggar. I hope I misspelled that.
6. When boarding, hold your sword POINTY SIDE UP AND SHARP SIDE FORWARD. And be careful not to you the blade. Unless you're a dis-liked captain.
7. During mutiny, don't kill the crew. Use their general stupidity to convince them they're getting something they're not for all of this. If you are the crew, don't hold back. Slaughter the captain. We mean it.
